Nonviolent communication is a process designed by Marshall Rosenberg to help us resolve conflict by communicating what we need and asking others for help to meet that need rather than judging others and demanding change. It doesn’t intend to change anyone’s expectations. Rather, it is a change of focus from finding problems with others to connecting to the needs within ourselves and others to help us meet each other’s needs with joy and compassion.

When we tell ourselves that we are bad or use should statements, we are using jackal ears.  Likewise, if we say that others are wrong and should have done something different, we are listening with jackal ears.

We say that we are using giraffe ears when we are listening to our feelings and needs. When we are hearing the feelings and needs of others behind their judgments and evaluations, we are using our giraffe ears.

Here are some resources and vocabulary that we will be learning in class:

The 4 Part nonviolent communication process

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Evaluative words that mask our feelings and needs

Evaluations make it difficult for others to connect with our feelings and needs. Here is a list of evaluative words along with common feelings and needs behind them.

Evaluative Word	Giraffe Feeling(s)	Giraffe Need(s)
abandoned	terrified, hurt, bewilderment, sad, fright, lonely	Nurturing, connection, belonging, support, caring
abused	angry, frustration, fright	Caring, nurturing, support, emotional or physical wellbeing, consideration. Need for all living things to flourish.
unaccepted	upset, fear, lonely	inclusion, connection, community, belonging, contribution, peer respect, self-care
attacked	fearful, angry	safety
belittled	angry, frustration, tense, distress	respect, autonomy, to be seen, acknowledgment, appreciation
betrayed	angry, hurt, disappointment, outrage	trust, dependability, honesty, honor, commitment, clarity,
blamed	angry, scared, confusion, antagonistic, hostile, bewildered, hurt	Accountability, causality, fairness, justice
bullied	angry, scared, pressured	autonomy, choice, safety, consideration
caged/boxed in	angry, thwarted, scared, anxious	autonomy, choice, freedom
cheated	Resentful, hurt, angry	honesty, fairness, justice, trust, reliability
coerced	angry, frustrated, frightened, thwarted, scared	choice, autonomy, freedom, act freely, choose freely
cornered	angry, scared, anxious, thwarted	autonomy, freedom
criticized	in pain, scared, anxious, frustrated, humiliated, angry, embarrassed	understanding, acknowledgement, recognition, accountability, non-judgmental communication
discounted/ diminished	hurt, angry, embarrassed, frustrated	need to matter, acknowledgment, inclusions, recognition, respect
disliked	sad, lonely, hurt	connection, appreciation, understanding acknowledgment, friendship, inclusion
distrusted	sad, frustrated	trust, honesty,
dumped on	angry, overwhelmed	respect, consideration
harassed	angry, frustrated, pressured, frightened	respect, space, consideration, peace
hassled	irritated, distressed, angry, frustrated,	serenity, autonomy, do things at my own pace and in my own way, calm, space
ignored	lonely, scared, hurt, sad, embarrassed	connection, belonging, inclusion, community, participation
insulted	angry, embarrassed	respect, consideration, acknowledgment, recognition
interrupted	angry, frustrated, resentful, hurt	respect, to be heard, consideration
intimidated	Scared, anxiety	safety, equality, empowerment
invalidated	angry, hurt, resentful,	appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, recognition
invisible	sad, angry, lonely, scared	to be seen and heard, inclusion, belonging, community
isolated	lonely, afraid, scared	community, inclusion, belonging, contribution
left out	sad, lonely, anxious	inclusion, belonging, community, connection
let down	sad, disappointed, frightened	consistency, trust, dependability, consistency
manipulated	angry, scared, powerless, thwarted, frustrated	autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality, freedom, free choice, connection, genuineness
mistrusted	sad, angry	trust
misunderstood	upset, angry, frustrated	to be heard, understanding, clarity
neglected	lonely, scared	connection, inclusion, participation, community, care, mattering, consideration
overpowered	angry, impotent, helpless, confused	equality, justice, autonomy, freedom
overworked	angry, tired, frustrated	respect, consideration, rest, caring
patronized	angry, frustrated, resentful	recognition, equality, respect, mutuality
pressured	anxious, resentful, overwhelmed	Relaxation, clarity, space, consideration
provoked	angry, frustrated, hostile, antagonistic, resentful	respect, consideration,
put down	angry, sad, embarrassed	respect, acknowledgment, understanding
rejected	hurt, scared, angry, defiant	belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen, acknowledgment, connection
ripped off/ screwed	Anger, resentment, disappointment	consideration, justice, fairness, justice acknowledgement, trust
smothered/ suffocated	Frustrated, fear, desperation,	space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity. self expression
taken for granted	sad, angry, hurt, disappointment	appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition, consideration
Stalked	frightened, helpless, scared, anxious	space, empowerment, mutuality, safety, privacy, respect
threatened	scared, frightened, alarmed, agitated, defiant	Safety, autonomy
trampled	angry, frustrated, overwhelmed	empowerment, connection, community, being seen, consideration, equality, respect, acknowledgment
tricked	embarrassed, angry, resentful	integrity, trust, honesty
unappreciated	sad, angry, hurt, frustrated	appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, consideration
unheard	sad, hostile, frustrated	understanding, consideration, empathy
unloved	sad, bewildered, frustrated	love, appreciation, empathy, connection, community
unseen	sad, anxious, frustrated	acknowledgment, appreciation, be heard
unsupported	sad, hurt, resentful	support, understanding
unwanted	sad, anxious, frustrated	belonging, inclusion, caring
used	sad, angry, resentful	autonomy, equality, consideration, mutuality
victimized	frightened, helpless	empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice
violated	sad, agitated, anxiety	privacy, safety, trust, space, respect
wronged	angry, hurt, resentful, irritated	respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness